Breaking Chains: Reclaiming Power from Patriarchal Systems
Honoring My Hasidic Grandmother's Legacy and the Fight for Women's Voices Across Generations
I was recently on a podcast with several other women from High Control Religions and Cults and we compared notes about our experiences. It was incredible to see how similar so many of our experiences were, though we lived in different communities and spread across the world.
Since that conversion, I have continued to think about how women are disproportionately impacted by patriarchal religions across the world. Even in spaces where women are permitted to be religious leaders, there is still the male dominant force that is there ensuring that the patriarchal messaging and leadership stays intact.
At the same time, there is a groundswell of women who are speaking out against the patriarchal system and reasserting their power. Men and women create communities and spaces that honor and celebrate the matriarchy, centering all voices.
My conversation with these women reminded me that change is happening, and there is much to be hopeful about.
In 2019, my grandmother passed away. She had been sick for over 20 years and since I had been mostly estranged from my family several years prior, I barely saw her during her last years.
However, on the day of her death, a family member asked me to be with her for a few hours and unexpectedly I was able to spend time with her on her last day on earth. As she lay on her bed gasping for breath, her entire body showing signs of impending death, I held her hands and sang with her for hours.
These Yiddish songs were the only thing that calmed her down and seemed to stop the physical pain and struggle she was enduring.
Those moments were one of the most cherished moments of my life, where I was able to connect with my grandmother in a space where words were not needed or wanted, but our hearts were connected as she left this world.
The next day, I attended her funeral. It was not easy for me to be there, sharing the room with my parents, siblings and so many other relatives who had betrayed me years earlier during my divorce from a Hasidic Rabbi.
But what was even harder was being part of the patriarchal religious ritual that kept women out.
Her covered body lay in the men’s section of the funeral parlor. The women were all separated in a different room, while man after man gave eulogies for her, praising her father, her husband, and her dedication to them both. Little was mentioned about her dreams, intelligence, or legacy aside from that.
I could barely control myself from screaming out.
“Can’t you see her for who she was?”
“Can’t she just be recognized as an amazing woman who survived the terrors of the Holocaust built a family with an abusive husband and somehow despite all that managed to retain a joy for life?”
“She was so much more than just a support system for men.”
But my mouth stayed shut as I knew it would be ineffective if I tried to speak up.
Instead, I left the funeral home, disappointed but determined to rectify this gross injustice.
First, I hosted a Shiva ceremony in my home. I invited several friends and led a ceremony invoking her memory with candles and prayers. Then, several months in advance of her yahrzeit (anniversary of her death) I began preparing to read from the Torah. As a woman in the Hasidic community, I had never touched a Torah, never mind reading from it, and now I would be reading from it in front of an entire congregation of men and women
When I stood up and read the Torah, exactly a year after her death, I felt the room fill with my Grandmother’s presence and all the generations of women that had come before her. My feeling of gratitude was overwhelming, and I felt like I had made a huge generational difference, changing the trajectory of women in my lineage.
We can speak up.
We can take up space.
Our voices matter
Today January 20th, 2025, in the United States feels like a day that symbolizes those two paths.
On the one hand, there is a presidential inauguration, bringing a man who has boasted about attacking women to the highest office.
At the same time, today we are celebrating the memory of a man, Martin Luther King Jr, who fought for the rights of black people in the United States and spoke up for women who were underpaid and overworked. MLK Jr was ultimately killed as a result of his work, but his message and legacy continue.
And we have a choice.
Many of us find it is easier to follow the well-trodden patriarchal path, following the lead of men, and trying to fit into their boxes. So many have done this throughout the generations, and it has “paid off”, with job promotions, “good” marriages, and financial stability.
But there is another choice. We can follow our hearts, make choices that benefit all, and step away from the patriarchal way of being. We can do this in many different ways, starting by creating opportunities that work for us and everyone else.
We don’t need to harm others to make our own lives better. We can break away and rise in our power.
What choice will you make for your life today?
Where will you take a stand for yourself and change the generational patterns?
What is one small step you can take today to start those changes?
For the first time in several years, I have opened up a limited number of 1:1 coaching opportunities.
When you become my client, I will guide you through a powerful process that will make the changes that you are seeking almost inevitable as you step into your true power.
I will provide you with practical resources and powerful spiritual strategies to help you reach your next level. Whether you want to see changes in your career, health, relationships, or well-being, I invite you to treat yourself to the gift of support and guidance to help you achieve your next level of growth.